Unfairness

Today, I struggled. Sometimes, life has this way of throwing curveballs so rapidly that there is no way a person could possibly keep up. I kept feeling disappointment piling on top of disappointment. I was envious of others, jealous of their having-it-all-togetherness that I seem to lack. Today, I felt like, no matter how hard I try, what I want just may never happen.

My momma taught me to work hard, to not give up, to be relentless in my determination while following my dreams. She also taught me reality: life isn’t fair. There’s no reason for the unfairness, or, if there is a reason, we don’t always get to know it. There’s no cure for life’s unfairness. Momma taught me that I may work unbelievably hard, and I may drive myself insane with trying, and the thing I’m hoping to accomplish just won’t happen. I was a young teenager when I recall her say those three little words. I recall whining about nothing important, “it isn’t fair!”. Her response? “Yeah, well… life isn’t fair.

While her words may seem harsh, they were true; and I think it’s important to realize that unfairness is a part of life. There will be days when it seems like what I’m striving for may never come to fruition. It isn’t my fault and it isn’t because I’m not trying hard enough. My mother taught me that trying my best, regardless of success (or lack of) is the important part.

So, today was one of those days. I sat on the edge of my bed, and, like a child, I pouted and thought to myself, “it isn’t fair!” Then, I remembered my wise momma. I remembered that life isn’t fair. I remembered that all that matters is to try my best. I remembered to count my blessings. I remembered that this too shall pass. Feeling the unfairness of life can be crushing and exhausting. The only cure I have found so far is exactly what Momma Dearest recommended: Count my blessings.

It might not be fair that I have tried to become an office administrator for about four years without success. But I have blessings that far outweigh that disappointment. I’m working as a Personal Support Worker in a retirement home. Every day, I put on my scrubs, go across town to work, and I help take care of people who need my support, my care, my patience, and my best self. And I can’t be my best self if I am too busy lamenting about the unfairness of it all.

I’m not going to stop pursuing my dreams. There will be more days when the unfairness of the situations around me absolutely crushes me. But I will always have my blessings. All I need to do is remember that wisdom from my momma: Count your blessings. Dreams are important, but so is living in the moment you’re in. Unfairness is all around us, but so are blessings.

My momma is wise, and this is her wisdom.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s